Clicked on an old blog from Pam Moore that compared Dr. Suess and Social Media. I shamelessly borrowed the idea, but applied to my all time favorite author, Erma Bombeck.
EB1: When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
SJ1: When I sit before my Social Media feed at the end of everyday, I would hope that I would not have a single unanswered post/ tweet left, and I could say – I engaged with everyone who mentioned me
EB2: Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes.
SJ2: A Reputation takes many years to build, and only one “United broke my guitar” to destroy it.
EB3: My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
SJ3: Your theory on social media should be – you never know when a “lets go to Tahrir” can multiply, catch fire, and bring a country down – so care about each and every post that hits your page
EB4: When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
SJ4:Whether its your mother, a fan or someone you don’t know – treat social media advice with responsibility – a) you’re going to get it anyway, but also b) you never know when it may multiply/ smell/ catch fire… (read earlier point)
EB5: Never have more children than you have car windows.
SJ5: Never open more Social Media channels than you (or your agency) can handle
EB6: People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.
SJ6: People should start with social media with more care than they start a marriage. The rules are the same. Look for something you are comfortable beginning. Allow room to grow. Have fun. Experiment, grow some more..
EB7: One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
SJ7: One thing they never tell you about Social Media is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to acknowledge your fan or follower or just commenter, and care about what happened to her torn diaper, or bad tasting soft drink! Your life’s an open book, and you have little control over it!
EB8: Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
SJ8: Starting a social media presence has no guarantees – Are you giving away too much info? Will it become like a tiger which you caught by the tail and now cant let go? Will you get caught by Regulation FD? If guarantees are what you’re looking for, go sell car batteries
EB9: Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, “A house guest,” you’re wrong because I have just described my kids.
SJ9: Do you know what you call those who read posts and never respond, who retweet content as original, who expect likes and shares but never do the same to what others write? Social Media Sloths
EB10: Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.
SJ10: Bad news, Social Media has you doing JUST that – worrying about who doesn’t like you, who has more and who’s doing what!
EB 11: The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
SJ 11: The odds of responding to a negative post on Social Media, and getting three times as many negative posts as a response to the response, are , if not three billion to one, atleast three to one
EB 12: Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. “Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?” Don’t you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?” Wasn’t there any change?”
SJ12: Everyone is …to be ignored, but detractors on Social media seem to have a market on the supply. “Wal-Mart, why are you not fixing my necklace that is broken?” “Oh Ikea, why do you lie!”
EB 13: Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
SJ13: SocialMedia is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity – NOT
EB14: He who laughs…..lasts.
SJ14: On Facebook, as on twitter and pinterest and blogs and..He who laughs, lasts, and he who makes others laugh, lasts longer!
EB15: A child needs your love most when he deserves it least
SJ15: A commentor needs your response most when he’s been meanest to you
EB16: Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can’t pronounce.
SJ16: Never write anything on Social Media that you cant back up
EB17: Families aren’t easy to join. They’re like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider are exorbitant.
SJ17: SocialMedia communities are really easy to join – as long as you keep feeding the demands of constant engagement
EB18: It’s frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.
SJ18: Ditto, so keep refreshing content on Social Media perpetually
EB19: Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.”
SJ19: Ditto for friends, fans, followers, subscribers…
And finally, the one I love! (I leave the SJ-ism to your imagination!)
EB20: I question the value of name tags as an aid to future identification. I have approached too many people who have spent the entire evening talking to my left bosom. I always have the insane desire to name the other one.