No, this is not about Chavez and Strange. It’s also not (really) about chatrooms and dating in the Tinder/ Bumble world. I would say it’s an analysis of how a retired person spends her time, and also a commentary on social structures now.
My typical day now is – take dog for morning walk, listen to some awesome music on Machan, a music community started by a young musician during the Pandemic times, then spend some time chatting on my other Whatsap groups – collegemates/ lanemates/ kids’-friends’-parents-who-are-now-friends/ family/ ex colleagues etc etc…and so on. This chat stuff is pretty much ongoing – and leads to most social stuff too…
I spent a friday last month hosting a group of ladies who all went to the same group of educational institutions and now live close to me for drinks, food and conversation – I knew 1 of the 10-12 folks who came. I spent this Saturday with another group of ladies, who all went to the same group of educational institutions, but who are into music in various ways – this hosted by a lady I’ve never met before. Again, out of the 20 odd who attended, I knew 2 folks. I spent one weekend doing a brewery trail with another subset of the same larger group, this time girls all interested in “baking, cooking, traveling”. That group has done a choley bhaturey trail, and a dosa idli/ thindi trail too. One sunday was spent at Cubbon Park, organising an Enid Blyton style picnic for, yes you guessed it right – Enid Blyton enthusiasts in Bangalore. Did a gin trail with some neighbours last weekend – we went to 3 different houses, where we drank interesting gin cocktails and ate some yum food. I even did a gin quiz :).
For a long time, my friends were – neighbours/ school/ college/ work 1/ work 2/ etc…then husband’s school college work 1 work 2, then kids’ friends parents; so, very ordained by demographics.
But the explosion of the virtual medium obviously expanded the specs of friend groups – and made it possible to have “friends” grouped by interests and opinions.
The meta verse therefore made it possible to have friends across demographic barriers – age, geography, gender, SEC
In my parents’ generation, their friends were largely still found in extended family – so, we would celebrate holi diwali picnics with our big family (and have “friend” groups within the family by different age group bands). When I was learning to drive and would take my car out every weekend to practise (because of traffic), my mum who was my companion would always make a relative’s house her destination – she would say “take me to so and so’s house – I don’t want to just drive around or go to the shops or whatever”.
This leads me to think – earlier, you had friends and you did EVERYTHING with them…now you have friends to do different things with – a book club friend to go watch Where the Crawdads Sing; running friends to attempt a baby Iron Man with; friends who would go to an Oktoberfest with you; Music friends whom you can text and gossip with about the Indian Idol Singers; so, the meta verse enabled classical marketing 101 lessons on segmentation and targeting.
In context, as Roger Federer announced his retirement, we saw many tributes to him – some even coming from “frenemies”. Leads one to think – has friendship itself become more multi layered? It was always onion peel structure – besties/ acquaintances/ enemies – but did the meta verse make friendship structures more complex? What is the “new” definition of friendship.
As I was pondering these questions, I asked random Whatsap groups of “friends” what they thought were iconic friendships they could name. Here are the results
Some random questions got thrown out as these were being discussed:
- Doesn’t Indian mythology throw up good examples of Female – Female friendships?
- Can “friendships” exist between men and women or are they of necessity romantic in nature?
So, what do you guys think – what is friendship now; has it changed from when you were younger; what are your favourite examples of “friends”…..Food For Thought!
As for me, all I can say is, “I get along with a little help from my friends” – you all know who you are – Fabulous 4; PNTRMUAA; Ladies Who Lunch; Gandige Swaminies; Gandikota Gang; BCT; Wiimw; Goa Gang; A Block; General GS; Come Takers; Penguins….
joshsang 
The pundits for as long as the social media has existed have been predicting the decline (some even the death) of “real world” relationships. Making friends was not going to be easy while maintaining them was becoming far too easy-without any significant emotional investment.
Reading your post reminded me of the concept of “Familiar Strangers” that I wrote about a while back. You don’t necessarily know them but you feel comfortable in their company owing to shared interests or passions albeit transient.
Btw, I wish your kind of “retirement” for myself, tips on how to attain this nirvana in your next post perhaps….
🙂 – yes, there are many layers to this issue, aren’t there? I think our gen has the best of both worlds – have older “real” friend circle to “know” really well, and the newer digital friends to hang out with. the kids….another issue entirely. And the pandemic didn’t make it any easier.
Retirement…aah…one just has to bite the bullet one day; the rest will fall in place. And, you’re doing a good job of doing many other things besides the work thingie as far as I can make out 🙂