Elasticity – and the art of Procrastination

How many of you made New Year Resolutions? And how many are still following them.

I make some every year. With the passage of time, they have increasingly become more realistic. Even then, I’m unable to fulfil most – a good example is – to write more.  Before you say this is vague and not actionable, it’s ALWAYS quantified and action oriented – e.g., write and publish 12 blogs a year – but, as a glance at my publishing history will show, there are typically one or two pieces in Jan, and it gradually (or steeply) peters off.

Brings me to the point I was trying to make – the concept of doing nothing. Or being “vela”. I’m asked very often – what do you do? And I have to say – nothing! My friends always rush in to defend this saying – oh you’re always busy. But busy has nothing to do with doing something. And THAT’S the point – the fact that time always expands or contracts to fill whatever one wants to do (or, in my case, doesn’t want to do) – I can SERIOUSLY spend all day long watching dog, baby and cooking reels. Just as I used to, with ease, juggle client calls/ oversee multiple output pieces/ listen to HR or ops complaints/ figure strat for the next year, as well as all that is required to raise my daughters…all in 24 hours.

So, (ok actually THIS is the point) – time is elastic. Is that good or bad? What do you think?

Voice is elastic – I am an occasional participant in a music group that meets every morning, run by a superb musician who has made nirgun music her forte and is now specializing in the music/ voices of women of underprivileged backgrounds. And, when speaking of her impressive range of vocal chords, said she used to have a voice with heavy bass but the daily riyaaz plus exercises helped her increase the range. (before you ask – no, of course I don’t do the daily riyaaz and hence voice is still stuck in Rekha Bharadwaj land).

Ofcourse, demand is elastic – price (and income, cross product) elasticity of demand is the basic funda one learnt in eco (a subject I was horrible at). Where do you see it? I see the inelasticity most often in my Rajnigandha – have been eating the small packet from when it was 7/- to now when it is 19/- with no lessening in consumption frequency (though a definite lessening in teeth quality) – so, habit forming substance has inelastic pricing. What else? Do you think the iphone is price inelastic? How high is this going to go?

Since today is women’s day, I HAVE to say women are elastic – I think a good rep is elastigirl (remember the one from Incredibles – the mom who has superhuman elasticity granting her the ability to stretch any part of her body, but also has to stretch in hundreds of different ways each day – She’s an exceptional acrobat, marksman, motorcycle driver, pilot, operative, investigator, and tactician, as well as a masterful hand-to-hand combatant and martial artist).

And finally, I think body size is elastic  – fat cells though aren’t – they never die, only expand and contract. Argh! this cellulite is going to be my friend forever! Reminds me of these memes I’ve seen recently.

Ofcourse, my engineering friends probably have trauma flashbacks of Young’s Module and Hooke’s Law. Who remembers what these were?

On topic, I like this saying by Thomas A Edison : The most necessary task of civilization is to teach people how to think. It should be the primary purpose of our public schools. The mind of a child is naturally active, it develops through exercise. Give a child plenty of exercise, for body and brain. The trouble with our way of educating is that it does not give elasticity to the mind. It casts the brain into a mold. It insists that the child must accept. It does not encourage original thought or reasoning, and it lays more stress on memory than observation.

But, tell me what do you think – what is elastic. Is Justice in today’s world elastic? #foodforthought

Mindfulness – yes or no?

Hirana …samajh boojh ban charana …

Have you heard this song by classical maestro Pandit Kumar Gandharva? I heard it….no, LISTENED to it properly for the first time today – mindfully, thinking of the lyrics – and the mind was blown. It’s a song I’ve heard many many times before – and I really love it. But, the lyrics are something else altogether.

See, this is my perennial problem with music – I don’t listen to the lyrics, it’s only the melody and the composition that stays with me. And even in the music, I’m not good with percussion – so, really, only the melody….

Most proponents of music are aghast – because the poetry, the bhaav, the “feel” is all obviously in the lyrics. I feel a bit of an interloper in the music world sometimes because of this – I feel I’m really not doing full justice to what the composer-lyricist duo want to say. As an example, in a morning music group that I’m a part of, where everyone is singing/ thinking of/ analysing and applying the words (the group sings songs on spirituality and duality and oneness and nirgunta etc), and everyone is getting moved by the spirit of the songs – I am blithefully oblivious to that – I just trip on the music ( thus for sure depriving myself of the entire experience).

I first heard ….no, LISTENED to the word mindfulness some 12 years ago when my very fit friend said one must eat mindfully – those were the days I was inhaling chola bhatura and mutton biryani as often as I could! Was fairly gobsmacked at the concept and ofcourse immediately rejected it as irrelevant to me (resulting in a 10 kg weight gain in subsequent years – over an already bloated figure!).

But, I find myself reevaluating this concept often now. As an example, the listening to music for me (something that is as essential as breathing almost) is not mindful – hence I suspect the non-attention to the lyrics, and also the inhibited ability to remember songs fully (I actually have a fairly imitative musical ability honed by early training years) but don’t necessarily remember how a song goes beyond some vague tune – simply because I don’t interact with music mindfully.

Actually on the concept of breathing and mindfulness, that is what say pranayama is helping you do – breathe mindfully. Also, shavasana is MINDFULLY telling yourself to relax and become mindless – ooh soo cool! OK, note to self – anulom vilom everyday, Josh!

I try and swim often (that’s the only form of exercise I permit myself to do) – and, ofcourse, in the spirit of gamification (read my past blog) – need to count the laps, and then better them everyday – just creating kutti mental incentives – but then if I’m not swimming mindfully I forget the counting – and probably mess it up.  In the big picture, no sweat but still annoying. Having said that, should swimming be mindful? Maybe that’s what one should aim for – mindless swimming, thus enabling the mind be free to wander around – btw, my swimming time is when my blog ideas come to me – maybe that’s good? So, then, question – is mindfulness good all the time? On the other hand, does it then interfere with multitasking? (read another previous blog)

The time when it DEFINITELY should be applied is while driving – I HATE drivers who hog the middle of the lane – most often trucks or scooters, thereby not allowing small cars like mine to pass by on either side – if only you would, mindfully, enable win-win, wouldn’t it be easier for all. But then, is this behaviour actually willful do you think? In our overpopulated and fiercely competitive country, maybe the only way to stay on top is to make sure the other person is worse than you? Not for you to be better than the other one? What do you think?

Mindful, though, is how I describe my young nephew (much to my kids’ resentment). Scenario – a big family function – think big fat Indian wedding, only substitute a boy’s thread ceremony for wedding. Some 40 house guests for a 4 day function – all organized in a normal Mumbai flat. Obviously there was lots of work, which in true Indian middle class fashion, was being done by all. But, one name stood out in terms of overall omniscience, reliability and just dogged hard work. And that was my nephew Rohan – like I told my cousin his dad later, all our kids are respectful and helpful teenagers – but Rohan is mindful – so, he is actually prescient – he sees that one grand aunt with varicose veins needs a footstool to extend leg, and gets it; realizes when dinner is over that the next step is going to be mattresses rolled out for bedtime and starts on that job; keeps an eye on the panditji performing the rites so he knows when milk is needed, when a matchbox is empty and when the prasad is being called for. All this, because he is mindful.

No shade, but obviously the biggest deterrent to mindfulness is the mobile phone – that’s where the other teenagers were busy, and hence not able to contribute unless specifically asked to do so. This actually is not just restricted to teens, my friend broke a bone in her toe because she was on her screen while walking and tripped on a stone (not mindful walking)…

Talking of teens, just finished reading a teen fantasy fiction series – the Lost Cities by Shannon Messenger – in that, kids trigger abilities – by mindfully concentrating on what they need to do….(you should read teen fantasy fic, guys, so addictive)

So, what do you think? What are your examples of being mindful within the corporate scenario and what is the impact? #foodforthought?

Coming to Hirana – there is an inherent note to mindfulness within the lyrics themselves – the caution to the deer of being mindful while grazing – just to avoid the evil hunters. Enjoy…..

Embracing my inner “Geet” – a Women’s Day thought.

My neighbour Lasika (all names changed) – who has been learning the Veena for like 20 years, and has 4 Veenas in her house, had this response to someone who said “oh wow, that’s cool” – “Ah, I’m just learning, I’m not that good”….

My great friend Dipali, who’s been in CXO roles at large MNCs for the last – again 20 years – says when asked to mentor some startups – “I don’t know how much value I’ll add ya…I think I’m too old and my knowledge jaded”…

Another friend Shawna, who has founded and successfully exited startups, and who now runs an NGO, when complimented on the overflowing table she sets for guests, says – “ohhh but Ms. Joshi always feeds people so much better”…

And another friend Parvati who makes the BEST banana bread and superlative sticky toffee pudding, but who always says, “noooo Sangita, I’m not so good”

My very smart very talented daughter, whom everybody loves, is ALWAYS saying sorry – her teacher once told me – “I’ve never seen anyone overapologizing the way she does….”

And I, when told the other night, you sing so well; ofcourse said “oh but my throat is horrible and I sound like a phanta baans” (it was, and I did, but….)

Obviously, Imposter Syndrome is real – and all pervasive! In a ladies-only alumna group that I’m a member of, imposter syndrome and patriarchy are maybe the two words debated most often. This, in a group of highly educated and accomplished ladies. Think about it – If that demographic feels it, then how many women don’t even know the concept – and just live their entire lives feeling inferior or not good enough and assume a more than equal load at all work because they feel that’s all they deserve. 

Yes, part of the reason we feel this way is a desire for excellence and self improvement; part of it a real honest look at self first before raising fingers at others (this used to be my favourite lesson to my girls – remember when you make a fist, 4 fingers are always pointing at you and only one outwards); but most of it is historical/ societal – and therefore a lot of it is conditioning over years and years and years – to not give ourselves enough credit, and to take more than due amounts of blame. 

I don’t need to point out the fact that the average man behaves in exactly the opposite way – caught with a perceived improvement area, will generally bluster and attempt to put the blame on someone else; or, will generally portray higher knowledge than he actually has; or will generally be willing to take credit even when not entirely his due….think long and hard, and tell me if you know ONE man with imposter syndrome….

My only issue with this is, the signal we continuously send with this self deprecation piece is WEAKNESS – NOT humility, NOT shared/ equal responsibility/ NOT self improvement, just WEAKNESS….and that is just plain wrong.

And so, in a run up to Women’s day, I’m going to ask all womanhood for a very small thing –

Nope, it’s NOT educating the girl child (which one must do anyway);  NOT running or attending a workshop on earning your rightful place on the corporate ladder (which if you have access or the desire for, also please go ahead and enroll into); NOT practicing women supporting other women (I mean, duh, please do that anyway – have you watched this clip of Anne Hathaway’s on this? Cute it is); NOT being respectful of all work – big or small (watch the Urban Company ad that I really liked)….

So, girls, gird up your loins (if I were Krishna, I wd say – utho Parth, Gandiv sambhalo) (can I please say that I LOVE the phrase gird up your loins – its SO badass!)

All I’m asking each of you to do is tell yourself EVERY moment (like an affirmation) – “I’m good; and I’m better than (the guy sitting or standing next to you)”…Just that – every single moment. “I’m good; I’m better than (that guy)”. You DON’T have to proclaim this to the rest of the world (unlike the average man), but you DO have to believe this yourself.

Remember Geet from the movie Jab We Met? And her “mai apni favourite hoon” line (at about 4.18 in this clip) – THAT’S what we all need to channel – we all need to be our favourites 

As for me, the next time the random swim instructor at the pool tells me – you “swims” (he really said swims) SO well, I need to say – “thanks tons, I do, don’t I, but how can I swim better”…instead of saying – “ohhh you know, I learnt on my own after I was 30 and I have no technique and that’s why I can’t swim fast.. but I just like it…..”

HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY ALL

P.S.: Remember the old Professor Higgins song Why can’t a woman be more like a man? This is what I may recast it as:

Why can’t a woman be more like a man?
Men are so braggy, have doubts so rare;
Eternally confident, for brashness have a flair.
Who, when you win, will never give your back a pat.
Why can’t a woman be like that?

P.P.S: Take a look at this very women heavy organisation and their cute newsletter for Women’s Day

P.P.P.S: Who are your favourite “girl bosses”? The ones who are their own favourites? (I’m currently enjoying Zeenat Aman)

I want to be an Entrepreneur (a chicken and egg story)

The other day, over a random lunchtime conversation with this very interesting startup Rechargion that is working on Clean Energy Solutions (Na-ion and Li-S batteries as an example), we were discussing the startup eco- system in India. And someone at the table said they were very impressed that increasingly now one sees people at final placement sessions of premier engineering institutes opting out of placement, saying “we want to be entrepreneurs”.

I’ve seen many such kids too – bright young things with unicorn shaped dreams fuelled by the Flipkarts and the Zomatos…..and this is great – maybe finally the onset of the Silicon Valley-isation of India.

My only issue with many of these, however – they want to entrepreneurs, but have no idea! And I don’t mean idea about what it entails to BE an entrepreneur (which is gruelling back-breaking disheartening work most of the times – before exciting/ rewarding payoffs MAYBE), but, – they have NO idea WHAT they want to do – not a problem they have identified that needs a solution, not a better(faster/ more convenient/ easier/ cheaper…) way to do things, not…

Made me look up the definition of “entrepreneur” – the simplest one (top hit on google) says – An entrepreneur is an individual who creates a new business, bearing most of the risks, enjoying most of the rewards. I did like this one though – an innovator who brings forth economic development through new combinations of factors of production. Another one that said – someone who sees an opportunity and creates a business to exploit it.

That’s the point I’m making – identifying the opportunity – WHAT is it that you’re trying to do / what is the pain point that you’re solving for/ the gap you are addressing/ the technology you are introducing, or, harder still, the need you’re creating….And, of course, is there a market for it? or, can you create a market for it?

It can’t be – I want to be an entrepreneur – just because I think I should – and poof! (like Raju ban gaya gentleman!) I mean – come on yaar, chicken se pehle egg hai ki nahi?

Ofcourse there needs to be passion, and competitiveness, and risk apetite, and discipline, and fire in the belly, and skin in the game – all these buzz words one hears in the VC world – and then the stars have to align! par, anda tou chahiye na!

(Unpopular opinion) – but this reminds of my problem with the creativity/ innovation workshops one used to attend in the corporate world – I mean, I get that you can enable creativity and encourage innovation, you can provide a toolkit for ideation and a facilitative environment to hone creativity, and to teach thinking outside the box, but there has to be a problem you are trying to solve (or an opportunity you are addressing! (don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying process improvement ideas can’t come from brainstorming or all the other tools, I’m just not sure that creation of an opportunity is something that can be taught. The opportunity/ that idea/ that spark – HAS to come from the person wanting to be the entrepreneur.

So I guess today’s question is  – What do you think is the pre requisite to be an entrepreneur. Is it enough that someone WANTS to become one (so has the bent of mind and the resilience)…

#foodforthought

On 18 hour work days and Quiet Quitting

I get Shantanu Deshpande. I really do – maybe its generational, maybe its just a type; but I have more than a sneaking fellow feeling for him. So does the husband. And so do/ did Roger Federer, Steve Jobs, Indira Gandhi and Amitabh Bachchan.

I mean, I now lead a life which I worry is a very bad example to my kids in how checked out it is – I walk 15k steps a day while taking dog for ambulatory walks; read (and re read) old comfortable books (like Blytons and Potters and Heyers) while generating HUGE tsundoku; attend music groups; avidly follow cooking trends (on that topic – butter boards: yes or no?); clock 8 hours plus on average on several devices; and drink copious amounts of beer on weekends. Thankfully, the husband’s lifestyle is the exact opposite – his day begins at like 5 am-ish, and ends at 1 am-ish – with maybe an hour and a half for other stuff like eating; walking dog. The rest – he is working. (Except for the drinking on weekends). I’m hoping the kids learn from the dad even if they aspire to the mom.

But, this lifestyle of mine came AFTER years of backbreaking slogging – of, in fact, much more than 18 hour workdays – and that, irrespective of whether I worked in a privately held Indian business, a Multinational Corporation, or of course my own venture. I think I’ve recorded this somewhere earlier: when we were running our start-up; given it was in the early days of digital media – so, a very new domain, and completely new roles at entrepreneurship for us partners, also new geographies that were not co- located, we needed to have really long hours, and often, undefined work scope. It was NOT easy – but, as I told some teams who were complaining about the long work hours – ‘nothing you can say about unreasonable hours will astonish me, as I’ve done all this and more’….

So I now feel reasonably guiltless about my life of leisure – I think it is well earned – I’ve paid my dues and am now reaping the reward – the reward is compounded by the fact that I don’t really have a hugely expensive lifestyle and am very happy to just smell the roses as it were.

I think our generation (and definitely those before us) had this very strict effort and reward code – you work hard, you get your reward (in money/ in time/ in success whatever). It was generally acknowledged and proven that you didn’t get good marks unless you slogged, and that meant you didn’t get admissions into good colleges, and that meant you didn’t get good jobs, and that meant you didn’t make good money and that meant you didn’t have a good lifestyle. It was fairly direct correlation, and fairly organic growth.

Also, it was a waterfall sequence related to life cycle stages – work at one phase/ family at the next/ retirement and attendant benefits at the next. And, at the overlapping stages, it entailed constant juggling.

But, I think times have changed drastically (at least in urban middle class cohorts). Maybe it’s the culture of instant gratification, (no waiting in line at STD booth for calls/ hungry at 2 am? just order swiggy/ spent too much this semester? a click and mom wires money…). Maybe it’s the wave of cool start ups – with so many unicorns around that enable exponential payoffs and reward, the newer generations want a non correlated effort-reward equation. As I see it, the newer younger workforce is not willing to submit one’s life at the altar of their jobs.

Hence the uproar on Shantanu Deshpande’s edict (and his subsequent resignation). Hence quiet quitting. Hence the workation trend. Hence the shortening median tenure at a single job (down from 36 odd months to 18 now).

The good part about this – the fact that this generation wants ownership of their time. They feel they are multi dimensional, they want to explore different parts of themselves, and they do not necessarily feel that money is equal to success.

They probably also feel that hard is not equal to smart – which is valid – one doesn’t necessarily want everyone slogging at stuff that could be done quicker/ better – technology now works tirelessly at enabling that very thing. 

The problem with this however is when this desire translates to a work ethic that makes the job just the job, when the commitment/ the drive for excellence/ the passion is not only lacking, it is considered not a good thing. Because, lets face it – there ARE times when you need the 18 hour work day – it’s not ideal, but it’s unavoidable. Because, unicorns and stock options notwithstanding, earning money is not easy – it takes long, unremitting hours very often. And, one has to strike a balance between ensuring good physical and mental health, and giving one’s all to what you are doing.

So, one has to wonder – it’s great that the current generation is making things easier for itself and that hedonism is a quasi virtue, and definitely that folks are prioritising health over everything. But, in the process, are we creating a less hardy/ more entitled generation? When chips are down, will this generation be able to cope? Or am I just too old and cynical? Food for Thought.

Of “Est”s and “Er”s

My friend Kirana, who is writes a lovely travel blog, just wrote one on the Gol Gumbaz, the highest dome in the world. That touched a nerve, because it’s been a long standing bucket list item – in fact, was planned for just pre Covid. 

The reason Bijapur is on the list, though, is the same as the one that made me jump at the prospect of travelling to Cherrapunji (for long the place with the highest rainfall in the world) last year. It’s also the same impulse that made me eagerly volunteer to go to Kharagpur for some crappy workshop in my very first job – I went from Jamshedpur, and spent a fairly average day there – but came away super satisfied that I had seen India’s longest Railway Platform! In 2019, when some friends asked me if I was interested in going to Varanasi with them, (a city I had HATED when I last visited it with my family, due to my memories of the filth and squalor, and the fact that I had my period and my Ganges-mad-granddad wanted me to take a dip in the holy river (fortunately my mum intervened)); I immediately said yes, because they were going on to Bodh Gaya, and I struck a deal with them that we would also visit Nalanda – the oldest university in India, and one of the oldest in the world!

Yes, you’re right – all these are places I remember from the GK books, and the long list of India’s “finest” (longest/ biggest/ highest etc)

OK, time for a quiz then : In India, which is the –

Highest Gateway

Highest Multiple Arch Dam

Largest Monastery

Longest Train Service

Oldest Refinery

Smallest River

But this is not a travel blog – its about the impulse in us which makes us slaves to superlatives – best/ biggest/ first/ fastest/ most…

Maybe it’s an Indian thing – we are born competitive – after all, with 1.3 billion people, how else do you stand out. It’s the Indian parent stereotype, isn’t it?

But actually, its not the “-ests” but generally the “-ers” which drive most of us – these could be comparative vs. the Sharmas or, against our own selves.

One of the most iconic ads of my generation was the Rin ad – which went “bhala uski kameez meri kameez se safed kaise”….

Totally comparative. In fact, some of the Rin ads were banned later – because they were directly comparing P&G’s Tide.

But, honestly, this is what keeps us going right? This search – bigger house, more salary, better college, higher number of steps, lesser number of calories. And it’s a good way to be actually – most of us need a goal to strive for, otherwise rudderless lives generally tend to lose focus. So, irrespective of who this benchmark is – the person next door, or our own standards, an “er” is not a terrible way to live. I think what is important is to a) find benchmarks that make sense b) focus on the process of getting the “er”, and by implication, c) not get disheartened and demoralised if the “er” is looking harder to get than initially hoped for.

But how about when it is physically impossible to better – when say old age slows you down so you start doing lesser? I see my dad. Pre covid, he was an active 85 year old. Come lockdown, and he can hardly walk from one end of the room to another – he is frail”er”, weak”er”, slow”er”….how does it feel I wonder to be seeing these “ers” – the ones trending downwards…..Food For Thought?

Answers to Quiz (in order): Buland Darwaza; Idukki; Tawang; Himsagar Express; Digboi; Arvari

Friendship in the Meta Verse

No, this is not about Chavez and Strange. It’s also not (really) about chatrooms and dating in the Tinder/ Bumble world. I would say it’s an analysis of how a retired person spends her time, and also a commentary on social structures now.

My typical day now is – take dog for morning walk, listen to some awesome music on Machan, a music community started by a young musician during the Pandemic times, then spend some time chatting on my other Whatsap groups – collegemates/ lanemates/ kids’-friends’-parents-who-are-now-friends/ family/ ex colleagues etc etc…and so on. This chat stuff is pretty much ongoing – and leads to most social stuff too…

I spent a friday last month hosting a group of ladies who all went to the same group of educational institutions and now live close to me for drinks, food and conversation – I knew 1 of the 10-12 folks who came. I spent this Saturday with another group of ladies, who all went to the same group of educational institutions, but who are into music in various ways – this hosted by a lady I’ve never met before. Again, out of the 20 odd who attended, I knew 2 folks. I spent one weekend doing a brewery trail with another subset of the same larger group, this time girls all interested in “baking, cooking, traveling”. That group has done a choley bhaturey trail, and a dosa idli/ thindi trail too. One sunday was spent at Cubbon Park, organising an Enid Blyton style picnic for, yes you guessed it right – Enid Blyton enthusiasts in Bangalore. Did a gin trail with some neighbours last weekend – we went to 3 different houses, where we drank interesting gin cocktails and ate some yum food. I even did a gin quiz :).

For a long time, my friends were – neighbours/ school/ college/ work 1/ work 2/ etc…then husband’s school college work 1 work 2, then kids’ friends parents; so, very ordained by demographics.

But the explosion of the virtual medium obviously expanded the specs of friend groups – and made it possible to have “friends” grouped by interests and opinions.

The meta verse therefore made it possible to have friends across demographic barriers – age, geography, gender, SEC

In my parents’ generation, their friends were largely still found in extended family – so, we would celebrate holi diwali picnics with our big family (and have “friend” groups within the family by different age group bands). When I was learning to drive and would take my car out every weekend to practise (because of traffic), my mum who was my companion would always make a relative’s house her destination – she would say “take me to so and so’s house – I don’t want to just drive around or go to the shops or whatever”.

This leads me to think – earlier, you had friends and you did EVERYTHING with them…now you have friends to do different things with – a book club friend to go watch Where the Crawdads Sing; running friends to attempt a baby Iron Man with; friends who would go to an Oktoberfest with you; Music friends whom you can text and gossip with about the Indian Idol Singers; so, the meta verse enabled classical marketing 101 lessons on segmentation and targeting.

In context, as Roger Federer announced his retirement, we saw many tributes to him – some even coming from “frenemies”. Leads one to think – has friendship itself become more multi layered? It was always onion peel structure – besties/ acquaintances/ enemies – but did the meta verse make friendship structures more complex? What is the “new” definition of friendship.

As I was pondering these questions, I asked random Whatsap groups of “friends” what they thought were iconic friendships they could name. Here are the results

Some random questions got thrown out as these were being discussed:

• Doesn’t Indian mythology throw up good examples of Female – Female friendships?
• Can “friendships” exist between men and women or are they of necessity romantic in nature?

So, what do you guys think – what is friendship now; has it changed from when you were younger; what are your favourite examples of “friends”…..Food For Thought!

As for me, all I can say is, “I get along with a little help from my friends” – you all know who you are – Fabulous 4; PNTRMUAA; Ladies Who Lunch; Gandige Swaminies; Gandikota Gang; BCT; Wiimw; Goa Gang; A Block; General GS; Come Takers; Penguins….

Personal Branding vs. Succession Planning: An Ode to a Queen?

The Queen is dead. Long live the King…

Yes, colonial past hangover notwithstanding, I have to confess it IS the end of an era – if nothing else, she was remarkable for her attire, and her corgis!

But looks like I’m not the only one not being able to compute the new Monarch’s feet filling the late Queen’s very large boots – most memes on the net are trolling the poor guy for a) the long wait he’s had to finally become king, but b) also for his perceived (in)competence to do this job.

The question to ask, though, is – is it really his fault that there is this scepticism about his abilities. Maybe not. Maybe, quite apart from the fact that he’s spent 70 + years being lord in waiting, it’s also a case of the Queen having been larger than life/ TOO big a brand. And therefore, that big brand is shadowing all in its “wake”….Leads me to think of this very conundrum that I was discussing with a family member the other day…

In the corporate world too, and specially in the start up/ entrepreneurial world, a leader needs to build his/ her personal brand. Sometimes, nay, often, the personality of the leader is intertwined with that of the corporate. At the very least, very often the leader is the public face of the corporate – and a lot of the thought leadership/ the voice of the organisation and definitely the culture, stem from the leader.

It is wise, therefore, for said leader to build his/ her personal brand – this is even more important in today’s world of digital influencers and viral means of communications. Think Musk and Tesla, or, closer to home and a very different industry, Prannoy Roy and NDTV…the organisation and the leader become almost merged personnae.

But this inseparability of org and leader – is it too good a job done, or is it the harbinger of the next level of problems.

After all, What happens when the leader has to go – for whatever reason – to bigger/ better/ other things; or, just, as in the case of the Queen, to a better life…..if the head honcho has made the org too entrenched in her own way of thinking and acting, how does succession planning happen. 

We experienced this moment when we four co founders sold our small sized business to a large org – the way we were structured, there was no clear one successor. The org taking us over did things their own way (as they needed to, to be fair)…what resulted was a gradual disintegration of the org we had built…maybe it was for the best; maybe this is the way it anyway would have panned out; but for sure I believe that had we had a clear strong leader as a successor, the course our startup charted would have been very different.

This is also the advice I was giving this relative – he is a strong charismatic leader doing many different, brilliant things – but he doesn’t yet have a strong successor. In his case, it is compounded by the fact that what he is doing is very new, and lies in the social welfare domain – hence there are fewer monetary compensations.

Every 3 months, he talks about moving on to the next big thing – and I have to speedily bring him back saying, wheres your successor????

So, what one needs to think about is – where does building the personal brand end, and building a successor begin. Whats the balance. How do you ensure sustainability of your legacy….in effect, long live the king, yes, but how do you make sure its also long live the kingdom…..

Food For Thought?

I want to be Sanjith when I grow up (Or Sahana. Or Aditya. Or Lily)

I referred to Sanjith in my last blog. I’ve known him since he was less than a year old. He was amongst the youngest kids I know to: play golf seriously, going for many tournaments/ write a blog/ own a cell phone (which my friend Narayan presented him with when he was 5 maybe – it had no sim, but was thoroughly explored by Sanjith)/ cook delicious naans and paneer/ start a change.org type petition to have the metro allow cycles onboard/ even wear a saree :). He went through school quizzing, MUNning, playing cricket and of course golf, and doing multifarious other things. Began college in France, but came back due to the pandemic. He then started a Young Adults talk in collaboration with the BIC – and I have to say I’m a huge fan of this series. Gets together a group of YAs to talk about relevant topics (chosen largely through some polls via social media as far as I can see). These folks are soooo articulate, sooo confident, soooo opinionated yet sooo respectful, soooo inclusive – I just LOVE listening to them – better than any prime time TV debate.

Brings me basically to the point of this post. I am v v impressed by today’s youth – I do think they are growing up in tougher times than I faced as a child (even the more privileged ones). And yet, they seem to be really dealing with stuff thrown at them in very inspiring ways. 

Ofcourse, the best example of the above is Malala – got shot at because of activism about education, went on to win the Nobel Peace Prize. 

Or GretaThunberg, had Aspergers, OCD, selective mutism; started a whole school strike movement for climate advocacy, and has spoken at multiple global events, including the famous “How Dare You” ( and whose latest comment on her old foe Trump at his departure is pure genius)

Or Gitanjali Rao, Time magazine’s first ever kid of the year, who has done “astonishing work using technology to tackle issues ranging from contaminated drinking water to opioid addiction and cyberbullying, and about her mission to create a global community of young innovators to solve problems the world over”

Or for that matter Coco Gauff, the youngest player ranked in the top 100 by the Women’s Tennis Association 

Or Millie Bobby Brown, who produced and starred in the mystery film Enola Homes, after having received Emmy nominations for her role in Stranger Things.

Or look at the Forbes 30 under 30! Whether it is Lily Hevesh, 21, domino artist; Travers 23 and Xiao 21 – who founded Luminopia, a children’s health startup doing cinematic medicine; the Moore “Venture Twins” 25 – VCs at CRV, writers for Tech Crunch, founders of student startup incubator Cardinal Ventures; Matthew Asir, 22, Founder of the Legal Bullet, they are all inspiring sub 30 “kids” (in my head). I mean really really inspiring.  

OK, these above are celebrities/ well known, and one could argue there always are some. (Oh, and that these are global)

But I watched the other day this webinar by my friend Sanjay, interviewing two young Indians who have set up fashion businesses – Palak Shah of Ekaya, and Aaditya Kitroo of Jos & Fine. Basically retail of high end heritage textile products – Benarasi in one case and Cashmere in the other. Fantastic session – two very different stories, one has family in the wholesale business for years and years but has rebranded and contemporised it for a retail B2C take, and the other started afresh, struck by how the Cashmere brand, which had originated from Kashmir, had got appropriated by Europeans, started supplying it after sourcing from indigenous weavers, and now is ready to go B2C. Again, both intelligent, bright, ambitious, high energy, compassionate, articulate and go getting young folks – was such a pleasure listening to them.

OK, so these are also slightly older people, though Palak started at 21.  

But look at kids in school – this 12th grader I know of, began an outfit called Share a Square – has got folks teaching knitting and crocheting to other young kids, who in turn have to donate knitted or crocheted “squares” – 6” X 6” – that will then get sewn together by out of work tailors and given to homeless folks for their babies! Is it an idea or what? Soooo end-to-end, soooo smart, does sooo many things in this loop! Has now experimented with many allied things like sales of crocheted items, collabs with craft shops, all via a set of volunteer kids.

Another kid started a setup called Rutuchakra, to help spread education menstrual hygiene, with access to products. Has chapters in many schools. Kids volunteer and do many wonderful partnerships, distribution of pads in poor areas, webinars for education and the like.

Another couple (or maybe 3) kids started this thing called DogPile Thrift – a thrifting business, where proceeds go to care for abandoned street animals.

All lovely ideas, not necessarily big ones, all executed smartly, all done by kids! 

This is only some achievements I am listing. Not everyone has resumes with such credits – there are enough and more kids who win everyday battles over mental illness, hunger, peer pressure, the weight of expectations, and come out impressing me with their kindness, tolerance, energy and open heartedness, and their grit and determination.

As I was telling a friend, I feel like a dinosaur when I look at this generation. In a good way, though 🙂

And of course, what better story to end this list of impressive stuff done by kids than yesterday’s cricket David vs Goliath like Test Series victory over Australia. Arguably the most epic ever – achieved with the longest odds ever. Young kids, some coming from bottom of the pyramid backgrounds, some debuting in this series, with injuries galore, past performance the lowest total ever, captain gone home, suffering racial attacks and personal bereavements, winning over Australia in Brisbane! And How! Well done, Sundar, Thakur, Siraj, Gill, Pant, Agarwal. And of course Rahane. Oh, and Dravid! No one could say it better than Shashi Tharoor.

In case you were wondering, Epicaricacy is “Rejoicing at or deriving pleasure from the misfortunes of others” 🙂

Why Im 80 at 50 (or, the Path of Least Resistance)

80 @ 50 (with a few shades of grey)

Ok, ngl, a trifle under 80 (but not much). And a trifle over 50 too – ok, not just a trifle. Also, to clarify – This is NOT a body shaming vs. body positivity rant. 

The reason is really, that the only exercise I like, is swimming (and of-course I like beer). Can not STAND the gym. Can NOT run (thats a bit of a catch 22 – too fat to run (or rock and roll), though running would make me less fat)….(also, too young to die!) And, sadly, swimming is just so painful to do – the pre and post swim rituals I mean. If you are a girl, more so. If you have long hair, even more so! Disrobe/ shower/ change/  find cap and goggles and robe/ walk or drive x no. of steps to go to pool/ shower again – then of course inch yourself cm by cm into generally colder temp water than your body temp. Post which, I can actually swim laps and laps and laps. Then post swim, get out of blasted wet suit/ shower including shampoo/ wash and dry related clothes,/ moisturise more than normal/ sometimes jump with head on one side to get water out of ear……man, it really takes love to do it! If it was like, say, walking – I would be totally 50 at 50! I kid you not!

Similarly, as we all know, whatsap changed data sharing policy. The world was in uproar. Elon Musk advised folks to switch to Signal. And a different Signal’s stock went up 1100%! Every single group I am on debated if we should switch to signal or telegram. PR disaster for Whatsap? Yes, of course. But even till Facebook/ Whatsap issued their addendums and clarifications, maybe only 40% of the folks I know were actually thinking of shifting. Of which, maybe 80% actually downloaded the other apps. And then, I think maybe 30% of them are actually using them. 

Why do you think this happened? It’s all about “going with the flow”. The flow is a powerful thing. It basically takes you down the path of least resistance. It makes you do the easiest thing.

A corollary for this is that if an “agency” for want of a better word wants their target to adopt them, they need to make it the path of least resistance.

Like one clicks instead of two on a website/ home delivery instead of pick up/ pre peeled and cut veggies and prawns/ automatically playing videos/ repeated reminder notifications for dental appointments and insurance renewals with pre filled forms/ self watering planters/ implementation task force that handholds for installation of enterprise platforms….any more? 

For the first time in my life, I did a 10 day walking challenge last year – the Oxfam trail thingie. And oh btw, I did it three times over. Not because I suddenly developed a hitherto hidden love for walking. But because it was so easy to do! No going to a specific place (those 3 am starts for the marathons??? Ugh!!!), no training for many days prior (obviously, if you are running a 10K, heck even a 3K, you need to build up the stamina for it!), no need to download any specific app….you chose when/ where/ how you walked/ran…all you did was log it on any meter whatsoever; and at the end of the day, send it in. I even got a certificate. Easy to do!

Conversely, with the best will in the world, any action requiring behavioural change is NOT going to result in desired impact if it’s difficult to do. I got a lamp repaired today. A simple desk lamp, which had shorted (nearly burning my finger in the process) due to an exposed wire. What would have been my normal course of action, throw it away, and order a new one on amazon (its SO easy to do!). As a side note, e-commerce has definitely increased spending – if you can buy things sitting at home by one click, you do tend to over order. Swiggy, Dunzo – all easy to do….but because I was trying to add steps to my routine, I decided to walk to the electrical repair shop some km and a half away. He fixed it, I paid him 50/-, and came away feeling very virtuous (in context, younger daughter had been making noises about having a zero waste lifestyle – and I guess reuse is the best aspect of zero waste). As I was walking back, feeling the glow of satisfaction at having done my bit for the environment and my pocket, I was wondering – why wouldn’t I do this normally? Why would I throw away even lightly broken stuff and buy new all the time? And realised I do it, because it takes incremental effort to repair, while buying is far easier!

It’s also like what I was saying in my previous blog – any new habit (including conversion to using automation) takes effort and a change from current behaviour – hence adoption takes time. Hence companies need to think about how can they make any intended action easy to do. 

This is what inertia is – tendency to remain in state of motion or rest unless an external agency is applied – so you do the easiest thing. A stream follows the path of least resistance.

I attended a webinar run by my young friend Sanjith in conjunction with the BIC. It was a group of Young Adults talking about excessive use of screen and its impact etc. One of the boys said that there are apps that make your screen go blank for a few seconds every 10 mins or so, and force you to blink your eyes for 5 secs (thus remedying one of the problems that screens have – fewer blink cycles). He made the same point of doing something ONLY when it is the path of least resistance – the easy thing to do. To catch more of this awesome talk, see youtube link — (55 mins-is).

Don’t get me wrong, I LIKE the path of least resistance – I am a strong believer in Russell’s philosophy of praising idleness (in all fairness, I do have the demonstrable ability to work hard when required, but I am a lazy cat when its not!). Question to ask though – is the path of least resistance necessarily the best thing for you??? Does battling odds make you emerge stronger/ better/ more capable? (Theme for next blog post maybe 🙂 )

So, what have you done last year, that you wouldn’t do otherwise, because it was easy to do? Write in comments